Soapy the Chicken

#108: Chicken Lickin' Good

2008-09-24T23:57:00.001-05:00

Click the above image to embiggen.

#107: Please Ignore the Frog

2008-09-20T00:44:00.007-05:00

Click the above image to embiggen.

MicroCon

2008-04-27T00:59:00.001-05:00

MicroCon, a fantastic annual one-day convention in the Twin Cities every year, is this Sunday. I will be at the Cartoonist Conspiracy table there where you will be able to get a sneak preview of the brand-new Lutefisk Sushi Volume C box set, which will be premiering for sale next week at Altered Esthetics (May 2nd).

MicroCon, Sunday April 27th, 10AM-4PM
Minnesota State Fairgrounds
Progress Center
1621 Randall Avenue
St. Paul, MN 55108
mncba.com

Lutefisk Sushi Volume C Opening, Friday May 2nd, 7PM-10PM
Altered Esthetics (alteredesthetics.com)
1224 Quincy St. NE
Minneapolis, MN 55413

Rogues' Gallery #8: CARL “POP” BEAUMONT

2008-04-12T00:02:00.002-05:00

"Old age is not for nancies," Carl's Great-Grandfather had told him all those years ago, between coughing up black bits of his lungs in his handkerchief.

It was a betrayal, that's what it was. Getting put in a home! Forty-three years of Carl's life to support a family that left him here to die alone. The last time he saw them was almost ten years ago, now. Ingrates! Almost ten years in this hellhole!

There was no reason for it. Sure the old brain had slowed a bit, but he was hardly senile. Limbs all working... strong, even. Organs still performing their assigned tasks. No incontinence either, thank you very much.

He felt like an alien among these dying people. How he hated them all... Frail, diseased, weak and stupid with brain rot. They were pathetic.

At first, he justified killing them as putting them out of their misery. He would have wanted someone to do the same to him if he started shitting his pants at the dinner table, he lied to himself. The hatred was the real reason, of course.

It was certainly easy enough to kill them. A nudge towards the stairs, a little bleach in an iv bag, some extra pills in the tri-daily dose. They were here to die, anyhow, why would anyone suspect his help? He must have sent fifty of the sorry schmucks to Hell by now.

It was actually TOO easy. A revelation came to him as he lifted the pillow from his formerly snoring neighbor's breathless, peaceful face. What was the true root of his hatred of his fellow inmates? Disgust for these pathetic souls, or the frustration and impotence he felt about his own situation?

As satisfying as he found these simple little murders, how much more gratifying it would be to eradicate his entire family, those foul thieves who had stolen his life from him. His son, his court-appointed "caretaker," in the home Carl had built with his blood and sweat... his son living there with his fat-ankled wife and moronic children. If his back hadn't gone out reaching for the carving knife at that last Thanksgiving dinner, things would have been different.

Easter was coming. The Resurrection! The family would have an unexpected guest for Sunday dinner.

Seeing his house again was like a strange dream, it had been so long. The years had streamlined it in his mind; the mailbox, the shutters, the crack in the concrete... how could he have forgotten so much? As he bent down in the dark to dig out the house key he had left under the brick next to the front door, he shit his pants for the first time since childhood, liquid feces trickling down into his shoe. It was at that moment he knew that he would never be returning to the home.

#106: Long Time Coming

2008-03-30T15:09:00.001-05:00

Rogues' Gallery #7: CLIFFORD "CLIFF" JONES

2008-02-19T01:09:00.006-06:00

Once, in his youth, Clifford had dreamed he would someday be famous. He wasn’t sure how or why, he only knew that it was fated.

Being a career celebrity like Paris Hilton or Charles Nelson Reilly would be perfect, but those gigs were hard to get.

At first, he suspected he may find fame through sports… basketball, perhaps. However, his vertical growth stopped at five foot two, foiling that possibility.

Music was his next calling. His music was loud enough that no one really noticed he was tone-deaf, but having the rhythm sense of a sick ferret in a washing machine prevented him from ever having wide appeal. His recording career was abandoned, leaving behind a legacy of one unlabeled half-blank cassette tape.

Acting was the next obvious choice. He moved to Hollywood, and started wearing sunglasses all of the time. Getting into movies he found surprisingly easy (or at least into movie studios), but his tendency to ad-lib during scenes that he wasn’t a part of kept getting him eighty-sixed from sets.

Having exhausted the obvious choices for acquiring fame Clifford considered some less obvious ones. Politics was only for ugly people. He wasn’t smart enough to invent something. He had no talent for art.

His epiphany came to him in the early hours of a warm winter evening. Without hesitation, he grabbed the semi-automatic from the basement closet, gently set it in his Shaquille O’Neal duffle bag, put on his ray-bans and headed for the mall.

Rogues' Gallery #6: HIRAM "HAM SALAD" HARTELSON

2008-02-07T23:54:00.001-06:00

Whatever did happen to all of Hiram's friends, anyhow? High School, the best years of their lives, already 16 years gone... they won the state championship, the STATE CHAMPIONSHIP, and what does he have to show for it? Trophy on the mantle, sure... looking at it now makes him so queasy sometimes he literally vomits in his mouth. He can't seem to take it down, though.

The recruiter from the state college had him at the top of his list. It would have all been different if it wasn't for his knee.

The last of his buddies must have left Duncanville over five years ago now. Losers. Why did they leave?

Well, Ben won't be going anywhere now, at least. Ben and his family were just passing through the "old stomping grounds." Stopped in the truck stop and Hiram didn't even recognize him, he was so goddamn fat. Ben, however, recognized Hiram right off (hardly a change other than the deeply receding hair line). "Hiram! You're still here! Good to see a friendly face!" the doughy mass gurgled uncomfortably.

Seeing Ben obese and domesticated was just too much for Hiram. Ben had been their goddamn quarterback... their LEADER... and now he was just a sack of shit. They had been brothers... warriors! This moon-faced, jiggling monstrosity that stood in front of him was a sick abomination, an insult to the memory of what he had been. Worse yet, it ruined the fantasies that he had long harbored of their reunion. Hiram found he could no longer picture young Ben as he was in his mind without having it blotted out like an eclipsed sun by this fat caricature of his lost beauty.

How Hiram had missed him... Ben's return as an unrecognizable slug (with a wife and kids, no less), was not merely disappointing, it was a betrayal. He put him down quick, from behind, like a horse with a broken leg. He never knew what hit him. Hiram sobbed and mourned his lost friend as the tire iron solved the problem of Ben's bitch and brats.

It was a mess, sure, but the law is sparse and incompetent around Duncanville. Hiram saw their local Barney Fife, Officer Earl the next day, and damned if he didn't help him load the bags of cement into his blood-splattered pickup.

Hiram would mourn Ben until the day he died.

There was still hope for a happy ending, though. Maybe Craig would pass through town, Big Craig the linebacker, just as fine and strong and beautiful as he had been that night under the bleachers...

#105: Ramblin' Al on Mortality Part One

2007-11-28T23:59:00.000-06:00

Soapy the Chicken on Bewilderedkid.com

2007-11-08T01:06:00.000-06:00

My friend Dan Olson used Soapy in his online comic at bewilderedkid.com last week... check it out by clicking the below image!

#104: The Polls Are In

2007-10-18T23:56:00.000-05:00

#103: Soapy's Back!

2007-10-15T01:44:00.000-05:00

We now return to our regularly scheduled broadcast.

Steinlicht's Seed Soapy Strip

2007-04-30T13:09:00.000-05:00

Crop artist and cartoonist (here too) and blogger David Steinlicht has turned his wonderful previously-mentioned seed Soapy into a Soapy strip. Click on the below image for a larger version. Thanks David!

Ezekiel Fishman Versus the Martians

2007-04-30T13:01:00.000-05:00

I've been posting recently to my newish blog at stwallskull.com, sometimes posting art and comics, so if you dig Soapy, you may want to check it out. You can subscribe to the Stwallskull blog here.

One of the things I've posted about there is the Gross Comics Project, where myself and some other members of the International Cartoonist Conspiracy have been drawing 12 pages a month towards having a 144 page graphic novel completed in a year (a gross of pages). My graphic novel is called Ezekiel Fishman Versus the Martians, and you can read the first three chapters online here.

Soapy will be resuming soon... please check back!

Nick Raciti Filling In

2007-01-05T23:45:00.000-06:00

Nick Raciti just posted this great Soapy strip on the Cartoonist Conspiracy site... thanks Nick!

If there is anyone out there still checking this site, I assure again you the strip has not been abandoned, it is merely on hold while I work on a children's book... which I made a nice big dent in over the holidays, so hopefully the strip will be back sometime early this year with a little luck.

NOSLO cartoons and games

2006-12-08T00:10:00.000-06:00

I haven't posted in way too long, and I've decided to take a break from the strip to work on a children's book for a while... the strip will be back sooner or later continuing from where it left off, but I figured I'd give anyone who still is reading this an update. To tide you over in the meantime, here are some cartoons I've done recently at my day job as a flash developer/animator...

I've been having some fun recently building a holiday site called NOSLO.com for the company I work for (OLSON)... NOSLO is the holiday of the future where you send "Sacks of Joy" to your friends and loved ones to spread the joy. Here are the "Sacks of Joy" I've animated so far.. send 'em to your friends and spread the joy, if you're inclined:

Sack of Joy #1: Joyous NOSLO Song

Come spread the spirit and sacks of Joyous NOSLO, the holiday of the future, with this rousing NOSLO carol.

Sack of Joy #2: The Soul Seal

No one can resist the charms of The Soul Seal. Joyous NOSLO!

Sack of Joy #3: Snowcat

The flying feline of the frozen frontier. Joyous NOSLO!

Sack of Joy #4: Come Take a Trip in My Airship

An animated plea for aerial romance from a more innocent era. Joyous NOSLO!

Sack of Joy #5: The Mustache Game

Are you man enough (or facial-hair-challenged woman enough) to triumph over the challenges of the mustache game? Only one way to find out. Joyous NOSLO!

Sack of Joy #6: Fuzzy Love

An animated fuzzball expresses affection in a manner congruous to his deeply damaged fur-lined psyche. Joyous NOSLO!

Sack of Joy #7: In Space No One Can Hear You

An animated astronaut explores the aural possibilities of deep space exploration. Joyous NOSLO!

Sack of Joy #8: The Magical Unicorn

Magic! Sparkles! Fancy! The delirious joy that can only be expressed through a unicorn and a rainbow, or through inhaling fumes of magic glitter glue in a confined space. Joyous NOSLO!

Sack of Joy #9: The Fractal Weasel Tree

Traditions! No Joyous NOSLO holiday would be complete without summoning and chopping down a Fractal Weasel Tree. Joyous joy! Joyous NOSLO!

Sack of Joy #10: The Marshmallow-Loving Chihuahua Vs. The Teacup

Whether you lean towards oolong, jasmine or mint you’ll feel compelled beyond your own will to help this marshmallow-loving chihuahua defeat the sinister teacup. Joyous NOSLO!

Sack of Joy #11: The Little Blue Bird of Joy

Sometimes it takes a little blue bird to remind you that, in spite of life’s hardships, joy can be found regardless of circumstance. Joyous NOSLO!

#102: The Great Debate

2006-10-26T23:18:00.000-05:00

Soapy Jam by the Cartoonist Conspiracy

2006-10-26T23:07:00.000-05:00

Here is a one page jam by some members of the International Cartoonist Conspiracy from early October... not sure who all participated in it, but my good friends Danno and Sean Tenhoff signed their panels...

Bottomless

2006-09-26T23:16:00.000-05:00

Poor Soapy is really getting neglected these days as my life is getting in the way... I'll post more strips eventually for the patient among you, so if you are enjoying our ongoing serial, do not despair... it will continue some time soon.

I have pictures of Soapy at the state fair to post as well, but they are currently on my wife's computer... those should be up soon as well.

In the meantime, I just finished laying out and scanning my >23 and <25 hour comic from this year's festivities... here it is for your reading pleasure (750k PDF)...

Seedy Soapy Wins a Blue Ribbon!

2006-08-24T21:11:00.000-05:00

Hooray! I just got this message from master Crop Artist David Steinlicht:

Hey Steve,

Soapy the Chicken in seeds won a blue ribbon in the Minnesota State Fair Crop Art competition! (That is, in the Advanced Amateur section, the irregular shapes category.)

You can see the chicken in the Ag-Hort-Bee building in the south-east corner of the fairgrounds. The Ag-Hort-Bee building has the Space Tower ride on the east of it and the Haunted Mansion to the south west of it.

Don't forget to get some honey flavored ice cream while you're at the Ag-Hort-Bee building.

David Steinlicht

I always knew Soapy had an irregular shape!

Soapy in Seeds

2006-08-20T23:00:00.000-05:00

World-renowned master of crop art (and third-place Soapy Pong world champion) David Steinlicht has completed his Soapy the Chicken crop art piece! Soapy's visage (and logo) is rendered entirely in millet and canola. I can't wait to see it at the state fair! I'll post pictures from there when I have them. Thanks David!

#101: Frog's Platform

2006-08-14T01:06:00.000-05:00

More millet for Soapy's neck!

#100: The Gauntlet is Thrown

2006-08-11T02:07:00.000-05:00

The logo is done! The chicken millet has begun!

Guest Bean Men Strip

2006-08-06T21:18:00.000-05:00

The guest Bean Men strip I drew got posted today... check it out here.

#99: Quacker's Rebuttal

2006-08-03T00:03:00.000-05:00

Don't forget to check the progress on David Steinlicht's Soapy the Chicken Seed Art project!

Rogues' Gallery #5: THE AZZOLI BROTHERS

2006-07-31T23:46:00.001-05:00

Meet Gino "Calamari" and Freddy "Muzzle" Azzoli AKA the Azzoli brothers. These two are as inseparable as Laurel and Hardy... they are rarely seen in public without each others' company.

Technically, they aren't brothers, if you must know... cousins, but raised in the same house... Gino's old man Tito's place... Freddy's Uncle Tits. The old man liked Freddy best (everyone does, really, even though he never says much, and he does the vast majority of the killing), so everyone just treated it like he was the old man's kid, and not the bastard offspring of Tito's whore of a sister. Easier for everyone that way. Besides, Tito beat him just the same as he beat Gino when the wine told him to.

Still, Gino wasn't without remorse when he flushed the old man's pieces down the john.

One might assume that such an upbringing would breed intense competitiveness between the two brothers, but this was never the case. They have always had an incomprehensible understanding... an unspoken language that they shared.

It probably helped that, although they are both quite stupid, Freddy is about one pube this side of retarded.

Thus, Gino has always had an easy time dominating Freddy intellectually, and Gino generally does the talking for both of them. As a result, you can't shut the guy up without a blunt object. The only time Gino keeps his yammering maw quiet is when they're on a job. Few people realize the depth of Freddy's dim wit, because the way Gino tells it, the guy is Socrates.

Freddy is certainly an asset in his own way, though. Freddy's good looks get enough tail for both of them in spite of Gino's obvious and severe physical shortcomings (as long as Freddy doesn't open his idiot gob). Freddy never insists on taking the pretty ones, either. And, of course, Freddy is strong as a lion and kills on command without hesitation.

Together, they make a pretty perfect team, really. Few professional murderers have long careers, yet these guys have been at it since John Travolta was still dancing in a white suit. Part of this longevity comes from being protected by the mob, certainly, but beyond that they are extremely skilled at what they do.

All together, they have only been in the pokey five times (Gino for burglary, Freddy for assault, assault, assault and pissing in public). This is not through any sort of cleverness that they have avoided being caught for any of the abundant corpses they have created. Pure talent is what keeps them alive and in shiny shoes. Freddy is fast and remorseless, Gino is brutal and thorough. They go and get the job done and leave before the blood stains the carpet.